Seeking the Shadow
We all have a shadow-self, a part of ourselves that we push away and pretend doesn't exist. What we put there, of course, depends on the person. To some, anger is something to be ashamed of and placed there. To others, anger is acceptable, but any form of vulnurablity must be squelched. Whatever it is that we perceive of as dangerous goes to the shadow.
The goal here isn't to destroy the shadow. It is a part of us. It also isn't to ignore the shadow, because it's there. What needs to happen is integration. Everything the shadow holds can be valuable when used correctly. But when it's used by our shadow-self, it can't be used well, because it's being used as a club to regain safety. Anger, when brought out by a shadow, can only destroy. It can't see a way through the destruction to a constructive answer.
So, how to integrate the shadow? It is, like many things, a process. You can't just choose to be integrated and done with it. But it does require changing your mindset. When you feel like you're out of control (the shadow is taking over) step back for a moment. Take a look at what's happening and ask yourself what you're feeling and why. This isn't a time to lie to yourself. It's easy to say it's not anger because you don't get angry. It's much harder, but also more meaningful, to accept that you are angry and try to determine why.
We also denigrate what we see in our shadow what we see in other people. "Oh, she's always so emotional" might be a statement about yourself, not the person you're describing. Perhaps it's really a statement of envy. It's easy to wish to be emotional while feeling you "can't," leaving you reacting badly to people that are emotional, even when the situation calls for it. Before you critique another, think about why you're reacting the way you are. It might be a correct reaction, but it might also be your shadow speaking.
Questions:
What is in your shadow? Who are you when you don't like yourself?
What advantage do you have with keeping these behaviors in the shadow? What would happen if you integrated them?
What do you see in other people that makes you react negatively the most? Why? Is it related to your shadow?
The goal here isn't to destroy the shadow. It is a part of us. It also isn't to ignore the shadow, because it's there. What needs to happen is integration. Everything the shadow holds can be valuable when used correctly. But when it's used by our shadow-self, it can't be used well, because it's being used as a club to regain safety. Anger, when brought out by a shadow, can only destroy. It can't see a way through the destruction to a constructive answer.
So, how to integrate the shadow? It is, like many things, a process. You can't just choose to be integrated and done with it. But it does require changing your mindset. When you feel like you're out of control (the shadow is taking over) step back for a moment. Take a look at what's happening and ask yourself what you're feeling and why. This isn't a time to lie to yourself. It's easy to say it's not anger because you don't get angry. It's much harder, but also more meaningful, to accept that you are angry and try to determine why.
We also denigrate what we see in our shadow what we see in other people. "Oh, she's always so emotional" might be a statement about yourself, not the person you're describing. Perhaps it's really a statement of envy. It's easy to wish to be emotional while feeling you "can't," leaving you reacting badly to people that are emotional, even when the situation calls for it. Before you critique another, think about why you're reacting the way you are. It might be a correct reaction, but it might also be your shadow speaking.
Questions:
What is in your shadow? Who are you when you don't like yourself?
What advantage do you have with keeping these behaviors in the shadow? What would happen if you integrated them?
What do you see in other people that makes you react negatively the most? Why? Is it related to your shadow?
posted by Vieva @ 10:00 AM
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