Emotional License?
Do emotions give us an excuse to behave in certain ways? Does it make a difference what we feel for how we act?
In current US law, emotion is a mitigating factor. We think that someone that murders in anger is less disturbing than someone that does it without the anger, regardless of the motive. We forgive fights and betrayals that happen "in the heat of the moment" much more than ones that aren't emotionally fueled. But is that right? And what does it mean, really?
When we allow emotions to be an excuse for our actions, what we're saying is that feelings are more important than everything else. Now, I in no way want to sound like I'm saying emotions aren't important and shouldn't be felt. They are important. If someone hurts you, you shouldn't believe you have no right to be hurt. You do, even if it's illogical. We have an absolute right to feel whatever it is we're feeling, and when people try to take that away from you ("you shouldn't be hurt, I was just kidding" or "I was just telling you the truth" type things) they are being an emotional manipulator and preying on you. You have an absolute right to feel what you feel.
This doesn't mean you have an absolute right to react to those feelings however you want to. You can't help your instinctive feeling. You can help what you do about it then. It's easy to blame the feeling for the action: too easy. "I was caught up in the moment." "I couldn't help it." Yes, you can help it. You have an absolute right to your feelings, but not the actions you take afterwards. For that, you need to think as well as feel.
It is very easy to blame things on our feelings, as though the right to feel and the right to act are intertwined. But the more we accept such emotionally-fueled behavior, the more we encourage it to continue. And when we act as though emotions give us license for behavior, we cheerfully ignore the feelings and thoughts of the people around us.
We cannot control our first flush of feeling. But we can choose how to react to it and what we do with it after that first feeling, and we must do that if we wish to be civilized beings.
Questions:
What feelings do you just react to? Why?
Do you think there are emotions that are safe to simply react to? What makes them safe? What reactions are safe?
How can we allow ourselves to feel while still limiting our actions?
In current US law, emotion is a mitigating factor. We think that someone that murders in anger is less disturbing than someone that does it without the anger, regardless of the motive. We forgive fights and betrayals that happen "in the heat of the moment" much more than ones that aren't emotionally fueled. But is that right? And what does it mean, really?
When we allow emotions to be an excuse for our actions, what we're saying is that feelings are more important than everything else. Now, I in no way want to sound like I'm saying emotions aren't important and shouldn't be felt. They are important. If someone hurts you, you shouldn't believe you have no right to be hurt. You do, even if it's illogical. We have an absolute right to feel whatever it is we're feeling, and when people try to take that away from you ("you shouldn't be hurt, I was just kidding" or "I was just telling you the truth" type things) they are being an emotional manipulator and preying on you. You have an absolute right to feel what you feel.
This doesn't mean you have an absolute right to react to those feelings however you want to. You can't help your instinctive feeling. You can help what you do about it then. It's easy to blame the feeling for the action: too easy. "I was caught up in the moment." "I couldn't help it." Yes, you can help it. You have an absolute right to your feelings, but not the actions you take afterwards. For that, you need to think as well as feel.
It is very easy to blame things on our feelings, as though the right to feel and the right to act are intertwined. But the more we accept such emotionally-fueled behavior, the more we encourage it to continue. And when we act as though emotions give us license for behavior, we cheerfully ignore the feelings and thoughts of the people around us.
We cannot control our first flush of feeling. But we can choose how to react to it and what we do with it after that first feeling, and we must do that if we wish to be civilized beings.
Questions:
What feelings do you just react to? Why?
Do you think there are emotions that are safe to simply react to? What makes them safe? What reactions are safe?
How can we allow ourselves to feel while still limiting our actions?
posted by Vieva @ 3:31 PM
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