Dominance
What does it mean to be dominant? How does being dominant affect the Flame?
We all have times and places in our lives where we feel the desire and need to be in control. It's important to us to have our world predictable and doing what it is that we want.
It becomes problematic, though, when we start trying to control the people around us. It's impossible to avoid doing this to a small extent: there are behaviors, for example, that I will not allow in my house. And I control the people that enter my house to the point that they have to leave to practice these behaviors. Society in general does the same thing on a greater scale. With our laws we state certain acts as undesirable, and do our best to keep them from happening while punishing the transgressors.
And then we get to the point where dominance becomes damaging: when you try to control the minutae of a person's life, on either small or grand scale. I am not other people. I cannot control their minds or their lives. When we try to control the hearts and minds of those around us, we are trying to force their Flame to bend to our will. Even if the other person allows or encourages it, there is still a perceptual problem.
No one can ever be morally responsible for another adult. (children can be a separate category: after all, they cannot be responsible for themselves). But every time we try to take control of another person's Flame, our own begins to gutter. We cannot feed off another person's Flame, and it's a horrible thing to try.
Questions:
What do you try to control? People or behaviors?
Do you let yourself be controlled? Why? When?
What happens to a person that is controlled? What happens to the controller?
We all have times and places in our lives where we feel the desire and need to be in control. It's important to us to have our world predictable and doing what it is that we want.
It becomes problematic, though, when we start trying to control the people around us. It's impossible to avoid doing this to a small extent: there are behaviors, for example, that I will not allow in my house. And I control the people that enter my house to the point that they have to leave to practice these behaviors. Society in general does the same thing on a greater scale. With our laws we state certain acts as undesirable, and do our best to keep them from happening while punishing the transgressors.
And then we get to the point where dominance becomes damaging: when you try to control the minutae of a person's life, on either small or grand scale. I am not other people. I cannot control their minds or their lives. When we try to control the hearts and minds of those around us, we are trying to force their Flame to bend to our will. Even if the other person allows or encourages it, there is still a perceptual problem.
No one can ever be morally responsible for another adult. (children can be a separate category: after all, they cannot be responsible for themselves). But every time we try to take control of another person's Flame, our own begins to gutter. We cannot feed off another person's Flame, and it's a horrible thing to try.
Questions:
What do you try to control? People or behaviors?
Do you let yourself be controlled? Why? When?
What happens to a person that is controlled? What happens to the controller?
posted by Vieva @ 11:30 AM
1 Comments:
At 4:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
I have been thinking about this one for so long, it is doubtful anyone will notice, lol. I try to control my own behaviors. I was brought up by a very manipulative mother who was also not averse to using main physical force to get her way. If she lacked the physical power to win, manipulation was her fall back position. I so disliked that technique that I made a habit of stating my desires in simple demands. Imagine my surprise when I found that was considered unacceptable?
Now, older and possibly wiser, I think everyone tries to control other people, in order to protect their own interests. Some people are not aware of it. I find I still don't like 'controlling' other people over about age 12...I honestly do not want to be responsible for it. What I have caught myself doing tho' is getting very annoyed indeed when someone like my husband seems to want to be controlled so he doesn't doesn't need to make a choice. I fight controlling him, but find myself doing controlling things TO him anyway to control elements of life that his participation in are NOT optional. I find myself asking how one lives with an adult who doesn't want to control their own life---waits for life to "happen" to them, and then blames everyone around when not satisfied with the happening. Luckily, my mate is slowly awakening to this habit of his and I think he will triumph over his fear of committing to his own life. Not a moment too soon!
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