A criticism, a critique ...
How do you criticize people you disagree with? Do you work by building them up, or tearing them down?
How we give and receive criticism is a sign of how we deal with people in general. Critique is painful, because we want to believe we're already good people doing good things. We don't want to hear that we can be better than we are, because it means we're not currently good enough.
Giving critique is one of the most difficult things to do well that we run across on a regular basis. We want to get our point across, but we often also want something more: either to improve the person we're talking to, or to prove our own superiority. Which of these we're attempting says a lot about ourselves and what we really are. How we come across is also important, and we have to strive to make certain that we're coming across correctly. But if our intentions are bad, no amount of prettying up is going to matter.
We are all of the Flame. Every single person is precious and special, and needs to be treated that way. Yet when we criticize each other, and approach each other in a critical spirit, we often try to tear each other down. It's as if we believe there's a limited amount of happiness or life that can go around, and when one person holds too much, they must be ripped down to share with everyone else. When we do that, we diminish ourselves and the people we critique.
Every time one tries to smother another person's Flame, one shrinks one's own as well. It's easy to be critical, to treat other people as though they're just not smart enough or good enough, as though all their ideas are garbage. But it destroys both ourselves and others.
When we build each other up, we all become greater. When we tear down, we shrink ourselves. Our Flames are not limited by the Flames of those around us. There is no scarcity of spirit, that one must be hobbled for another to grow larger.
Questions:
Do you build people up or tear them down? Why?
How do you react to criticism? Can you tell the difference when someone builds you up or tears you down?
What does it mean when I say that spirit is not scarce? Do you believe it?
How we give and receive criticism is a sign of how we deal with people in general. Critique is painful, because we want to believe we're already good people doing good things. We don't want to hear that we can be better than we are, because it means we're not currently good enough.
Giving critique is one of the most difficult things to do well that we run across on a regular basis. We want to get our point across, but we often also want something more: either to improve the person we're talking to, or to prove our own superiority. Which of these we're attempting says a lot about ourselves and what we really are. How we come across is also important, and we have to strive to make certain that we're coming across correctly. But if our intentions are bad, no amount of prettying up is going to matter.
We are all of the Flame. Every single person is precious and special, and needs to be treated that way. Yet when we criticize each other, and approach each other in a critical spirit, we often try to tear each other down. It's as if we believe there's a limited amount of happiness or life that can go around, and when one person holds too much, they must be ripped down to share with everyone else. When we do that, we diminish ourselves and the people we critique.
Every time one tries to smother another person's Flame, one shrinks one's own as well. It's easy to be critical, to treat other people as though they're just not smart enough or good enough, as though all their ideas are garbage. But it destroys both ourselves and others.
When we build each other up, we all become greater. When we tear down, we shrink ourselves. Our Flames are not limited by the Flames of those around us. There is no scarcity of spirit, that one must be hobbled for another to grow larger.
Questions:
Do you build people up or tear them down? Why?
How do you react to criticism? Can you tell the difference when someone builds you up or tears you down?
What does it mean when I say that spirit is not scarce? Do you believe it?
posted by Vieva @ 8:15 AM
4 Comments:
At 8:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
When my critique is of someone I know well (and possibly love) it is simple to do the job with building them up, and merely pointing out where they are not living up to their own potential. The big trouble is when the critique is of a comparitive stranger, or worse, someone I actively dislike whose behaviors I see as damaging and destructive.
I tend to fall into a meglomaniac 'destroying angel' mode at those times; my basic attitude is "Ok, you are a destructive jerk in spite of being part of what we all belong to; you are quenching all those around you without care or compunction. So you need to be stopped." I cease to care if I quench that person in some sense; I believe in reincarnation and if I feel a person has totally "lost the true light" to serve other things, I don't care if I scare them into a cave for the rest of this incarnation. Better luck next time, dude!
I don't carry the axe for nothing....and there is a market for candle-snuffers, too.
At 2:38 PM,
Vieva said…
You don't see a problem with, as you say, destroying people?
While I agree that sometimes there's nothing you can do, but I don't think destroying people is a good idea either. It just leads to more destruction.
It's one thing to remove a cancerous growth .. like stopping a country or person that is trying to destroy things. But it's still best to do as little damage as possible.
At 9:27 AM,
Hepzibah The Watchman said…
I am still going through the lessons. I know what is right in my heart and mind, but I am still learning how to practice this.
I do believe that we cannot destroy evil with evil - for these feed each other. We cannot dispel the darkness in a room by shutting the blinds at the windows. Only light will dispel the darkness and its shadows, so only light or goodness will defeat evil.
At 1:20 PM,
Vieva said…
I'm a little confused .. I guess I don't see this as a battle between good and evil. Simply how we deal with each other.
I also believe that using "good" and "evil" casually weakens the words. Not everything is a cosmic battle for dominance .. and when we behave like it is, we lose what evil (and good) really is.
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