The Other Side of Grief
In our society, we seem to have removed both death and grief out of the public eye. People are told after an astonishingly short time to just "get over it" as though it was simply a matter of choice and ease. As though people want to hurt. But we don't know how to deal with grief, so we bottle it away and present a facade that no one dies, no one gets hurt, and no one feels grief.
Grief is a release of the Dark Flame. It is a time of turning inwards, of letting oneself heal. It belongs out of the regular spectrum of things, and needs to be respected as such. There's no set amount of time or experience that grief involves. For some people, it can be over quickly. When someone is already dying, much of the grieving process can happen before the death. When someone is simply snapped out of our lives, grief takes a longer time to run its course.
For that is what happens. Grief is a process, not something one dips into and comes out of. It has to be allowed to run its process. We should not wallow in it, for that is unhealthy to us. We need to make certain we do not completely withdraw from the rest of our world when we are in pain. But we lack a system of allowing for such grief. What is a reasonable amount of time? A week? A month? A year or more? There is no set answer, for each person will deal with their grief differently. But time needs to be allowed for that pain.
Grief needs to be given room in our society and in our religion. Pain needs to be acknowledged and respected. It is an inward process, not something we wear on our faces, but it will change our outward lives as well. And when we refuse to respect that grief, both our own and others, we tear people apart and rip up the Divine.
Let yourself grieve. Let others grieve. And know that there is another side, and sometime, you will emerge.
Questions:
Have you ever had a time when you felt you couldn't grieve? What did you do?
How do you deal with someone else that is in grief? Are you helpful? Hurtful? Selfish?
What is a reasonable way to deal societally with a grieving person? Should there be a ritual time and space for them? Or is it too personal for that?
Grief is a release of the Dark Flame. It is a time of turning inwards, of letting oneself heal. It belongs out of the regular spectrum of things, and needs to be respected as such. There's no set amount of time or experience that grief involves. For some people, it can be over quickly. When someone is already dying, much of the grieving process can happen before the death. When someone is simply snapped out of our lives, grief takes a longer time to run its course.
For that is what happens. Grief is a process, not something one dips into and comes out of. It has to be allowed to run its process. We should not wallow in it, for that is unhealthy to us. We need to make certain we do not completely withdraw from the rest of our world when we are in pain. But we lack a system of allowing for such grief. What is a reasonable amount of time? A week? A month? A year or more? There is no set answer, for each person will deal with their grief differently. But time needs to be allowed for that pain.
Grief needs to be given room in our society and in our religion. Pain needs to be acknowledged and respected. It is an inward process, not something we wear on our faces, but it will change our outward lives as well. And when we refuse to respect that grief, both our own and others, we tear people apart and rip up the Divine.
Let yourself grieve. Let others grieve. And know that there is another side, and sometime, you will emerge.
Questions:
Have you ever had a time when you felt you couldn't grieve? What did you do?
How do you deal with someone else that is in grief? Are you helpful? Hurtful? Selfish?
What is a reasonable way to deal societally with a grieving person? Should there be a ritual time and space for them? Or is it too personal for that?
posted by Vieva @ 9:40 AM
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