Misfortune
Why do bad things happen? Is it karma, a learning experience, cause and effect, blind chance? Do we deserve what happens to us, and can we blame others for what happens to them? Religion standardly tries to answer two questions about misfortune. "Why does it happen to me," and "How do I deal with it when it happens to others?"
They're basically the same question, of course. If karma happens, it happens to everyone. If everything is random chance, then perhaps there really is no difference between someone on Wall Street in a business suit and the homeless man outside. The reasons we believe why misfortune happen affect how we handle the random chance in our lives, and understanding those reasons changes everything as to how we deal with it.
We are all affected by the decisions of each other. Much misfortune in our lives is the result of someone else's action, whether or not it is meant to affect us. A layoff, a car accident, relationship issues, all are because of other people's actions and reactions to what is happening in their lives. We cannot live unaffected by other people's actions, and to blame human actions on Fate, or Karma, or Divine intervention of any sort is to claim to rob all other people of their free will. Whether or not certain actions are predisposed, at heart we all are mutually responsible for all things that happen as the result of human action, and individually responsible for those things we do.
And of those things that have no human agency? Sickness, genetic miscues, random natural disasters? Why, we scream at the sky. Who is at fault? Who can we blame? Unfortunately, there are no good answers to that, either. Bad things happen through no fault of anyone, God or Man. And when they happen, simply because of the way the world works, someone must be affected by that. Good, bad, or indifferent, when bad things happen, everyone around is affected. No one can be specially protected or punished. A perfect world does not exist, would not have created us even if it did exist, and would never allow the growth that gives us meaning. Which sentences us all to misfortune and pain, along with good fortune and joy.
So how do we cope with these misfortunes? Are we merely subject to the whims of chance, without control over our lives, unable to plan ahead? Of course not. Our own acts have consequences and cause changes, and how we act determines how people react to us. While we cannot control how other people respond to us, we can and should control how we interact with others, and how we affect people. What we do returns to us, sooner or later. As we live, so are we affected by others, trusted or not, loved or not, by how we behave.
And we have the choice, at all times, to change our actions, to be more like what we hope to gain. While we still need to reap the results of previous actions, we are never forced to behave in a way that has results we no longer want. We are the authors of our own destinies, and we can change the predisposition of our future at any time, if we so choose. It isn't easy, but it is possible. And remembering the possibility removes us from the role of victim, and gives us the role of author of our own lives.
Questions:
How do you control the way people see you? Do your actions match your desired consequences?
How can you cope with misfortune with grace and dignity? Does that change how the problem feels?
Why is it important to realize that we control much of our destinies? To realise that we affect the destinies of t hose around us?
They're basically the same question, of course. If karma happens, it happens to everyone. If everything is random chance, then perhaps there really is no difference between someone on Wall Street in a business suit and the homeless man outside. The reasons we believe why misfortune happen affect how we handle the random chance in our lives, and understanding those reasons changes everything as to how we deal with it.
We are all affected by the decisions of each other. Much misfortune in our lives is the result of someone else's action, whether or not it is meant to affect us. A layoff, a car accident, relationship issues, all are because of other people's actions and reactions to what is happening in their lives. We cannot live unaffected by other people's actions, and to blame human actions on Fate, or Karma, or Divine intervention of any sort is to claim to rob all other people of their free will. Whether or not certain actions are predisposed, at heart we all are mutually responsible for all things that happen as the result of human action, and individually responsible for those things we do.
And of those things that have no human agency? Sickness, genetic miscues, random natural disasters? Why, we scream at the sky. Who is at fault? Who can we blame? Unfortunately, there are no good answers to that, either. Bad things happen through no fault of anyone, God or Man. And when they happen, simply because of the way the world works, someone must be affected by that. Good, bad, or indifferent, when bad things happen, everyone around is affected. No one can be specially protected or punished. A perfect world does not exist, would not have created us even if it did exist, and would never allow the growth that gives us meaning. Which sentences us all to misfortune and pain, along with good fortune and joy.
So how do we cope with these misfortunes? Are we merely subject to the whims of chance, without control over our lives, unable to plan ahead? Of course not. Our own acts have consequences and cause changes, and how we act determines how people react to us. While we cannot control how other people respond to us, we can and should control how we interact with others, and how we affect people. What we do returns to us, sooner or later. As we live, so are we affected by others, trusted or not, loved or not, by how we behave.
And we have the choice, at all times, to change our actions, to be more like what we hope to gain. While we still need to reap the results of previous actions, we are never forced to behave in a way that has results we no longer want. We are the authors of our own destinies, and we can change the predisposition of our future at any time, if we so choose. It isn't easy, but it is possible. And remembering the possibility removes us from the role of victim, and gives us the role of author of our own lives.
Questions:
How do you control the way people see you? Do your actions match your desired consequences?
How can you cope with misfortune with grace and dignity? Does that change how the problem feels?
Why is it important to realize that we control much of our destinies? To realise that we affect the destinies of t hose around us?
posted by Vieva @ 4:34 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:38 AM,
Star said…
The bit about a perfect world prompted some random thoughts about perfection which I think I'll explore in my own blog (possibly the regular one, because those thoughts are not necessarily religious) so as not to take up all your comment space. ;)
I think you're largely right (big surprise)--there's not a big cosmic reason for misfortune. Sometimes the reason is "because". Sometimes someone else's actions, beyond our control, cause something to go wrong in our lives. Sometimes we reap what we sow. If we don't like what's happening to us--the best thing we can do is make sure that we're not doing anything to cause it. And... I think it is important to remember that sometimes shit happens, and sometimes it is out of our control. Because there are situations where yeah, we could have done this or that or the other, but in the end? Circumstances are sometimes just beyond our ability to change.
Questions:
1. I don't know that I do control the way people see me... Not that I don't try. :) I think we all do. I try to play it cool and calm and be all nice and stuff in hopes that I will come across as someone people want to be friends with, I think. Do my actions match that? I don't know... I think sometimes I do a pretty poor job of it. I slip up and instead of letting it go like the calm, collected person I want to be percieved as (well, that I want to be), I get all upset and try to correct myself, and wind up just doing more damage than I would have if I'd kept my big mouth shut in the first place. For example.
2. Coping with misfortune with grace and dignity, I think, involves recognizing that you can't change what's already happened, regardless of why it happened--but you can change what will happen. Okay, so that used car you spent your savings on was a lemon and fell apart within the week. (True story, more or less.) You can't change what happened; don't spend your time weeping over having screwed up. Instead, learn from it, and next time buy from a reputable dealer, or have the car checked out before you buy it. (Or, as we did, both.) You know? As for whether it changes how the problem feels... No, I don't think it does. I feel like just as much of an ass whether I get through a situation "the right way" or not. But it will help the future feel better.
3. I... am not sure how to answer this one. It's another language problem; I need to be able to download my thoughts, dammit! The second part is easier than the first; from a purely selfish point of view, part of how we control our own destinies is by realizing how we affect those around us, because they in turn affect us. If we can understand these interconnections, we can control our own lives better. Why it's important to understand that we control our own destinies... Because, I suppose, if we don't recognize that, bad situations are all too likely to get worse. If we don't take it upon ourselves to "fix" things, but just wait around for someone else to do it, nothing will ever get fixed. Which isn't quite what I want to say, but like I said--thought-language doesn't translate well...
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