Blaming the Victim and Seeking Control
Blaming the victim. It's something we do commonly, either directly or indirectly. If only you weren't there, if only you hadn't done that, if only you'd been a better person/eaten your vegetables/been nice to your parents. If only, if only, then it would be different.
This does two things, and both of them are dangerous. It excludes the victim from needing care, because after all it was his/her own fault. It's not our place to get involved so much when someone brings bad things down on themselves. It's not necessary. We even do this to ourselves, blaming our actions for our misfortunes. And this leads into the second problem.
When we blame the victim, we're taking control of what happened. It's because of X that Y happened, so if we don't do X we should be fine. This can be anywhere from a rational reaction (don't go walking through dangerous areas alone at night) to superstition (didn't pray a certain prayer three times before doing X). We're saying that the victim did something risky and this lead directly to the victimization, and therefore we are safe from that particular worry because we don't do X. (or won't do it again).
The problem is, this is a false sense of control. There's no real control there. All you end up with is a victim that stays a victim as opposed to a person that has been victimized (and there is a difference. The first is a state of being, the other is a short-term description of a situation), and that leads to fuzzy thinking and a lack of compassion.
It can also, terrifyingly, be a way to escape control. If it's "your" fault that I did something, it's not "my" fault anymore. This is a common way people put blame on their own victims for what is done to them. It is a classic of abusers.
It's easy to blame the victim. It's a lot easier than seeking real justice, and even justice is easier than seeking to change the system so the problem stops happening. But accepting victimhood, for yourself or someone else, goes against the Divine. It declares there is no improvement to be sought. It's time to stop blaming victims.
Questions:
Where do you blame victims in your life? Is it yourself you blame, or another?
What do you get out of blaming the victim? What are you afraid to see if you don't?
What needs to change so you can stop blaming people for what happens to them? What are you afraid will happen if you stop?
This does two things, and both of them are dangerous. It excludes the victim from needing care, because after all it was his/her own fault. It's not our place to get involved so much when someone brings bad things down on themselves. It's not necessary. We even do this to ourselves, blaming our actions for our misfortunes. And this leads into the second problem.
When we blame the victim, we're taking control of what happened. It's because of X that Y happened, so if we don't do X we should be fine. This can be anywhere from a rational reaction (don't go walking through dangerous areas alone at night) to superstition (didn't pray a certain prayer three times before doing X). We're saying that the victim did something risky and this lead directly to the victimization, and therefore we are safe from that particular worry because we don't do X. (or won't do it again).
The problem is, this is a false sense of control. There's no real control there. All you end up with is a victim that stays a victim as opposed to a person that has been victimized (and there is a difference. The first is a state of being, the other is a short-term description of a situation), and that leads to fuzzy thinking and a lack of compassion.
It can also, terrifyingly, be a way to escape control. If it's "your" fault that I did something, it's not "my" fault anymore. This is a common way people put blame on their own victims for what is done to them. It is a classic of abusers.
It's easy to blame the victim. It's a lot easier than seeking real justice, and even justice is easier than seeking to change the system so the problem stops happening. But accepting victimhood, for yourself or someone else, goes against the Divine. It declares there is no improvement to be sought. It's time to stop blaming victims.
Questions:
Where do you blame victims in your life? Is it yourself you blame, or another?
What do you get out of blaming the victim? What are you afraid to see if you don't?
What needs to change so you can stop blaming people for what happens to them? What are you afraid will happen if you stop?
posted by Vieva @ 8:14 AM
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